Americatown

"I can't stand to fly.
I'm not that nieve.
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees.
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet...
Only a man lookin' for a dream... "

Five for Fighting was right. Sometimes I get in this mode...or call it a mood. Layne does ...she's right.

When I was in college I would get in this super focused, but super withdrawn mode. I would put on a hat, put on my glasses, incase myslfl in my room, with all the lights out but the lamp on my desk, and strap my best set of headphones on. With an emotionally charged collection of tracks on the CD player, I could study harder than ever, or reflect deeper that usual on life things.

I am in that mood. It hits me hard and quick, and then after a time goes away. It is my
ME TIME. When I need it, nothing else will do. Layne is so comforting, but when this mood strikes I have to seclude myself. No amount of consoling or understanding does it. I am even skipping my mens group. No one can be here but me right now...and God.

I am convinced that these little moments are when He wants to be alone with me - even if there is music in the background. (God LOVES music - He made it after all, and can probably dance better than ANYONE else EVER.) He knows that in this special place only He and I understand what it means.

"But first I'll take a nap tonight, knowing someone is

looking over me...there's got to be a hero somewhere."

He is my Hero - He is looking over me. In these special hideen moments that few know about, I reconnect and recharge with Him. It is like after a certain amount of time, my batteries are drained. The only way to fill them back up is to reflect and know that HE has got it, that He is too big for me to grasp, and that He rocks!!!

This is a big week...bigger than some of you may know. I am interviewing on Tuesday morning at 730am with a drug company. My last round of interviews went well - I was the hiring manager's top candidate, but they went with an internal candidate. Well - there was another immediate opening, and he submitted my name for that one. So Tuesday I meet with the other hiring manager for breakfast/interview!!!! Seems so laid back, so I feel confident...but God is saying "Don't get cocky, dude." Immediately following that interview I do another one - this one for an Asst Mgr position with my current company. I have to keep climbing in my current position, assuming it is the only one I have...

I pray that God finds you all well. When He asks you to meet Him in your special place, go there! It is joyous! Never turn down the Maker when He wants a solo time with you - if it is for 15 minutes or 4 hours. You never know when He will be back for another one.

Held in the arms of Love,

joshua holland

My Cell Phone Makes Me Swear

It's true...I try to have a clean mouth, and tend to always be the one who does. I watch my mouth around everyone...but when I am in the car alone, and my Cingular cell phone cuts off my service right in the middle of town, cussage streams out of my mouht like stool from the sewer.

You see, my cell is like a cat. Here, let's get organized and make a list ( I originally typed listy by mistake, and it gave me a chuckle... "Let's make a listy .." hahaha)

TOP TEN WAYS MY CELL PHONE IS LIKE A CAT

(10) A cat doesn't come when you call it - it comes when it wants to. My cell doesn't call when
you ask it to - it calls when it wants.
(9) Cats don't really have nine lives - my cell phone doesn't really work.
(8) Cats get bored and quit paying attention - my phone gets bored and quits sending a signal.
(7) Cats eyes will roam around when they play with a strings toy - there is no roaming on my
cell phone.
(6) Cats have a strong sense of smell using their whiskers - my cell phone sucks.
(5) When you drop a cat , it lands on it feet - when I drop my cell phone it lands on its
antennae.
(4) There are no other similarities.
(3) I don't have a cat.


k...I'm done with that...my brain hurts...


Tonight Layne & I went over to Dave's house. He is in my Bible study - heck of a guy. All of Bible studiers/poker players brought out significant others over for Dave's homsemade pizza and some badmitten. It was awesome....Young people having a good time and eating pizza. It couldn't get more all American....

The Answer is in the Question

When I was pledging with my fraternity, this was a saying that was used during initiation week ("I" week, as we called it.) It was one of those very "Skulls" moments, when all the chapter is gathered around a roaring fire, and the members behind us were whispering "The answer is in the question." What is means, no one ever knew - and that is because it meant nothing, but was only there to make it feel "cool." It worked. And yes, I wet myself.

This phrase sums up the last week. I am in a Bible study at Mars Hill Bible Church - the church Layne & I go to in Grand Rapids. You may have heard of Rob Bell, our pastor - he does the Nooma video series and just came out with a book, entitled "Velvet Elvis." Very cool, young, hip guy who is a sweet leader for us...anywho, in our men's group, we play poker, go golfing, and also find time to fit in pseudotheological discussion, during which we use our colloquial phrases to try and put God in a box.

But that is just it - we don't do that. As part of a new radical movement of young Christians, our generation has the ability to say, "I will never figure it out - and God has it all! He is in control, and is bigger than anyone could ever fathom!" He is. That is not being self righteous, but being real. We young Christians are very laid back and find Jesus as a friend, instead of a principal.

My friend Randy is dealing with something realted to this, with his family. The church he grew up in is very conservative and traditional in its ways. There are rules, and thinking outside of those rules could get you into trouble. Well, Randy is aweome - he decided to go to Mars Hill instead of this old church, and his family almost made him the black sheep. Then, on top of that, he is dating a wonderful young lady - who is Catholic. My Lord, how the walls came down! So Randy's family pays a visit to him last week, to discuss his salvation and lead him back to "the path" - of boredom, rule making and breaking, and the ancient tradition of jumping off the bridge because someone else did!

We have rallied behind him, urging him to invite his family to our church, or to a barbecue we have. But they won't have it - it is too strange, too different, to easy to be a christian at Mars Hill, and they wouldn't dare...

So this message is for everyone: accept the grace Christ gives you.

Understand...

He loves us ... even when we screw up (which we do)
He will restore our faith ... even when it fails (and it will)
He is bigger than science or reasoning ... even if we come up with a thoerom to prove other wise (and someone will)
He died for EVRY ONE OF US ... even if we have forgotten that (which we have)

God bless us...and He does,
josh

Pink Ffloyd Rules

"Hello, ...is there anybody in there? ?"

Remember thos words to the PF song? If not, well...that's what they are. And I ask myself continually, despite my faith in the Lord, that very question.

Yesterday I got promoted at Enterprise, and it looks like another one could come around in the next month or so...but the thing of it is, I don't want to make a career there. And tomorrow is a very special day...tomorrow I interview with a pharm-company in GR! I do so much want this job with them, but I have to continue to tell myself that God has it...and the moment I try to take control of tomorrow, He may just snatch it right out from under me. Not to be mean to me, of course, but because I do something to mess it up.

I give it to him...right now. And even for you skeptics who don't know if God really exists, I ask for your thoughts tomorrow. I want the job - but more want God to lead me to all the exciting things He has planned.

Please say a prayer. Thank you in advance.

Lord, help my unbelief....
your son

As the summer winds to a very warm close, Layne & I are still going to weddings. This one was wonderful! Outside, at a historic mill, complete with water wheel, Belgian draft horses and a little bridge over the water.

Layne was throwing things at the wedding, so we had to put her in the stocks for all to see and mock. Long live the Queen!