Americatown

"I can't stand to fly.
I'm not that nieve.
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees.
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet...
Only a man lookin' for a dream... "

Five for Fighting was right. Sometimes I get in this mode...or call it a mood. Layne does ...she's right.

When I was in college I would get in this super focused, but super withdrawn mode. I would put on a hat, put on my glasses, incase myslfl in my room, with all the lights out but the lamp on my desk, and strap my best set of headphones on. With an emotionally charged collection of tracks on the CD player, I could study harder than ever, or reflect deeper that usual on life things.

I am in that mood. It hits me hard and quick, and then after a time goes away. It is my
ME TIME. When I need it, nothing else will do. Layne is so comforting, but when this mood strikes I have to seclude myself. No amount of consoling or understanding does it. I am even skipping my mens group. No one can be here but me right now...and God.

I am convinced that these little moments are when He wants to be alone with me - even if there is music in the background. (God LOVES music - He made it after all, and can probably dance better than ANYONE else EVER.) He knows that in this special place only He and I understand what it means.

"But first I'll take a nap tonight, knowing someone is

looking over me...there's got to be a hero somewhere."

He is my Hero - He is looking over me. In these special hideen moments that few know about, I reconnect and recharge with Him. It is like after a certain amount of time, my batteries are drained. The only way to fill them back up is to reflect and know that HE has got it, that He is too big for me to grasp, and that He rocks!!!

This is a big week...bigger than some of you may know. I am interviewing on Tuesday morning at 730am with a drug company. My last round of interviews went well - I was the hiring manager's top candidate, but they went with an internal candidate. Well - there was another immediate opening, and he submitted my name for that one. So Tuesday I meet with the other hiring manager for breakfast/interview!!!! Seems so laid back, so I feel confident...but God is saying "Don't get cocky, dude." Immediately following that interview I do another one - this one for an Asst Mgr position with my current company. I have to keep climbing in my current position, assuming it is the only one I have...

I pray that God finds you all well. When He asks you to meet Him in your special place, go there! It is joyous! Never turn down the Maker when He wants a solo time with you - if it is for 15 minutes or 4 hours. You never know when He will be back for another one.

Held in the arms of Love,

joshua holland

My Cell Phone Makes Me Swear

It's true...I try to have a clean mouth, and tend to always be the one who does. I watch my mouth around everyone...but when I am in the car alone, and my Cingular cell phone cuts off my service right in the middle of town, cussage streams out of my mouht like stool from the sewer.

You see, my cell is like a cat. Here, let's get organized and make a list ( I originally typed listy by mistake, and it gave me a chuckle... "Let's make a listy .." hahaha)

TOP TEN WAYS MY CELL PHONE IS LIKE A CAT

(10) A cat doesn't come when you call it - it comes when it wants to. My cell doesn't call when
you ask it to - it calls when it wants.
(9) Cats don't really have nine lives - my cell phone doesn't really work.
(8) Cats get bored and quit paying attention - my phone gets bored and quits sending a signal.
(7) Cats eyes will roam around when they play with a strings toy - there is no roaming on my
cell phone.
(6) Cats have a strong sense of smell using their whiskers - my cell phone sucks.
(5) When you drop a cat , it lands on it feet - when I drop my cell phone it lands on its
antennae.
(4) There are no other similarities.
(3) I don't have a cat.


k...I'm done with that...my brain hurts...


Tonight Layne & I went over to Dave's house. He is in my Bible study - heck of a guy. All of Bible studiers/poker players brought out significant others over for Dave's homsemade pizza and some badmitten. It was awesome....Young people having a good time and eating pizza. It couldn't get more all American....

The Answer is in the Question

When I was pledging with my fraternity, this was a saying that was used during initiation week ("I" week, as we called it.) It was one of those very "Skulls" moments, when all the chapter is gathered around a roaring fire, and the members behind us were whispering "The answer is in the question." What is means, no one ever knew - and that is because it meant nothing, but was only there to make it feel "cool." It worked. And yes, I wet myself.

This phrase sums up the last week. I am in a Bible study at Mars Hill Bible Church - the church Layne & I go to in Grand Rapids. You may have heard of Rob Bell, our pastor - he does the Nooma video series and just came out with a book, entitled "Velvet Elvis." Very cool, young, hip guy who is a sweet leader for us...anywho, in our men's group, we play poker, go golfing, and also find time to fit in pseudotheological discussion, during which we use our colloquial phrases to try and put God in a box.

But that is just it - we don't do that. As part of a new radical movement of young Christians, our generation has the ability to say, "I will never figure it out - and God has it all! He is in control, and is bigger than anyone could ever fathom!" He is. That is not being self righteous, but being real. We young Christians are very laid back and find Jesus as a friend, instead of a principal.

My friend Randy is dealing with something realted to this, with his family. The church he grew up in is very conservative and traditional in its ways. There are rules, and thinking outside of those rules could get you into trouble. Well, Randy is aweome - he decided to go to Mars Hill instead of this old church, and his family almost made him the black sheep. Then, on top of that, he is dating a wonderful young lady - who is Catholic. My Lord, how the walls came down! So Randy's family pays a visit to him last week, to discuss his salvation and lead him back to "the path" - of boredom, rule making and breaking, and the ancient tradition of jumping off the bridge because someone else did!

We have rallied behind him, urging him to invite his family to our church, or to a barbecue we have. But they won't have it - it is too strange, too different, to easy to be a christian at Mars Hill, and they wouldn't dare...

So this message is for everyone: accept the grace Christ gives you.

Understand...

He loves us ... even when we screw up (which we do)
He will restore our faith ... even when it fails (and it will)
He is bigger than science or reasoning ... even if we come up with a thoerom to prove other wise (and someone will)
He died for EVRY ONE OF US ... even if we have forgotten that (which we have)

God bless us...and He does,
josh

Pink Ffloyd Rules

"Hello, ...is there anybody in there? ?"

Remember thos words to the PF song? If not, well...that's what they are. And I ask myself continually, despite my faith in the Lord, that very question.

Yesterday I got promoted at Enterprise, and it looks like another one could come around in the next month or so...but the thing of it is, I don't want to make a career there. And tomorrow is a very special day...tomorrow I interview with a pharm-company in GR! I do so much want this job with them, but I have to continue to tell myself that God has it...and the moment I try to take control of tomorrow, He may just snatch it right out from under me. Not to be mean to me, of course, but because I do something to mess it up.

I give it to him...right now. And even for you skeptics who don't know if God really exists, I ask for your thoughts tomorrow. I want the job - but more want God to lead me to all the exciting things He has planned.

Please say a prayer. Thank you in advance.

Lord, help my unbelief....
your son

As the summer winds to a very warm close, Layne & I are still going to weddings. This one was wonderful! Outside, at a historic mill, complete with water wheel, Belgian draft horses and a little bridge over the water.

Layne was throwing things at the wedding, so we had to put her in the stocks for all to see and mock. Long live the Queen!

Whole Pork Loin

The newspaper for Ed's foodmart sits on my desk. It reads : "Whole Pork Loin, $1.79/lb. Sliced FREE!" When was the last time a deli counter actually charged for slicing? Does "Ed" really think that some yankee from the stix up here will see that and say, "hot damn, honey! Ed is slicing meat for free! Let's git the kids and go to town. Hell, maybe Ed'll throw in some plastic bags for the pork loin for free, too..."

Perhaps. Ed's a nice guy.

I got paid to golf yesterday. I got the morning off, then reported to the office at noon for a 1245 tee time. The company gave us E-balls, E-towels, bought our lunch, paid for 18-and-a-cart...the whole shebang... ["She bang she bang...She move she move." (You know that song?)] I got a redneck tan, and the white collar shirt is rubbin' today, but yesterday was the best day of work EVER...mostly cause I didn't do any!

No work this weekend. Just relaxin', goin' to Chi-town on Sunday...and bein' very lazy :) Come see me...

I heart pork,
josh

But What Does It All Really Mean?...

Things get old. Bananas. Celery. People. When something is new we get all excited about it, but when it loses that fresh luster, we bring the hammer down and talk about how boring it has become... School, that hot girl in Chemistry, your new purple Scoot-n-skate, NCAA Football 2006 on PS2,... the job we do.

You see, I have succumed to the age old problem of letting work follow you home. Like a lurking shadow, the problems and stress of the office tend to over-burden us and hang on our coat-tails, sneak int he passenger seat, and sit down at the dinner table with us. Then one day we wake up and say "why am I doing this?"

A few weeks ago it really got me down. I was a car-renter. I rented cars. Renting cars was what I did..and who I had become. The problem with that reality is that it is not one...it is simply an melodramatic statement that allows us to maneuever our way out of caring about the job we get paid to do.

I want to travel. That requires money. Money requires that I work for it. Working requires that I spend time away fromthe house. Spending that much time requires that I make the best of it and care about what I do enough to keep a smile. God is watching me...

I am NOT my job. It is what I spend hours doing, but not who I am.

I am a son.
I am a boyfriend.
I am a brother.
I am a best friend.
I am a Virgo.
I am a cowboy.
I am a God lover.
I am a sinner.
I am a fun-haver.
I am a volunteer.
I am a carer.
I am a helper.
I am a lover of people.

but I am not a car renter....it is just what I do. I would rather do something else, but I will awlays be just me...who God made me...warts and all.

Humbled,
josh

Poop on a Stick

Did that get your attention? I hope so. It got mine just writing it...i was ready to read whatever gross blogger I was about to write, but then remembered it was just a clever catch-all title that would draw in my readers (excuse me..."reader", singular) and seduce them with e-poetry of the superhuman sort. But I am a Biochemist. Not superhuman, just supernerdy.

Perhaps the French will begin to take serirously what we have been saying all along: theses terroristas won't ignore you Euros forever...they are just bidiing their time until you least expect it. Surely the poor Brits were shocked by the timing of yesterday's tragedy. And, contrary to popular belief, they didn't ask for it by being on our side of the war on terror (which is a gay title, they should actually call it "War on something we can't find, but which Bush can't give up on cause its how he got re-elected"). The French should have supported us the entire time. Just because they let al Queda operative inside their borders doesn't make them a haven...it makes them a storage facility. If you store gasoline reserves in your garage, don't be suprised if it explodes sometime. Ya'll fell me?

Moreover, the french invented French Toast, French Fries, and Canadian Bacon (indirectly.) All overweight middle easterners are already pissed at them for that...but then again so are overweight Americans who eat gravy soaked, beer battered cheese fries with every meal - and then accompany it with a side salad. And perhaps a Diet Coke.

I am trying to make a political statement, but I just returned to the subject of food. It is my favorite thing to eat. Food...not poop. Oh, and why do dancers smoke so much?

inherently obstinant, though I am not sure what it means,
joshua

Steadily Depressin, Low Down Mind Messin' Woikin' at the Carwash Blues

Recognize that? Jim Croce was a genius - a druggie, and a little luts, but genius, nevertheless.

Well I took my first vacation as a businessman this weekend. I went with Layne and her family (including Erin Dudley) to Deer Valley. It has been a vacation spot for them for 12 years now, but as you know was a home for me for so long. It was nice to visit. I rode some younger horses, working some in the round pen and taking others up rides with Uncle Harold. He doesn't follow the trail, mind you. He prefers to bush-whack his way through the pines. Old friends were there, Jake the dog, and so many others.

It was really relaxing, although my shoulders are sore to match my butt. The riding takes it out of you, but puts it back into you just the same. There truely is nothing better for the inside of a man then the outside of a horse.

Layne & I, after an emotional Sunday service, realized we need to search for a church that is smaller, or at least a smaller group within it. And as for me and Enterprise, it is just a stepping stone, and one I have been wanting to step off of recentley. Fun, yes, but the pay sucks and I feel like I worked too hard in college to be doing this. But Brock DeWalt reminded me that God is doing things right now - He has me in this place for a reason. I beleieve His reason was to get to Michigan to be closer to Layne, so mission accomplished! I am looking...and I have a few leads for pharmaceutical jobs. We'll see where it goes. God has it. And the night before I was to return to work with a bad attitude, Layne helped me out and made me see how wonderful life is - that ERAC is just a job.

As for dogs, they are really cool and can poop in your bed without punishment. I might try that soon.

Stinkin up the sheets,
joshua h.

The vacation to visit my Deer Valley family was fantastic! We took fabulous rides, rode new "green" horses, and got to really enjoy God's mountains! Here we all are at the Steak Fry Ride - the Shoafs, Dudleys, Harold, Wilson and I.....It was fabulous. And now, back to the grind.

My mom is great! I am so proud of you!!!!

The quintessential (sp??) Doug Fuller. He is a good Dad...thanks, pops, for being you. I love you...Happy Father's Day.

Here we are last weekend in Detroit at a wedding of Layne's friend.

I love her.... and yes...I DID shave my head.

The families got along great! Like we had spent lots of time together...and we did. My mom had never had smores before...can you believe that?

The cabin, called Pine Tops, was nestled off the shore about 100 yards...deep in the pines and maples.

Memorial Day Weiners

You may ask..."why, Mr Fuller, what are these mysterious weiners we have come to hear so much about?" Well, dear friends, they are the 5-7" "meats", made of leftovers from beef products, and wrapped in a swell intestinal shell...and every true American cooked them this weekend to honor our Fallen War Heroes...who themselves, with all due respect, were weiner lovers, too.

Mom and Dad drove up from Oklahoma to spend the weekend with Layne & I. They arrived Friday, and then Saturday morning we drove up north to Lake Bellaire, an inland lake. We rented a cottage there, just off the shore about a hundred yards...the place was beautiful! Later on in the afternoon, Mel and Shoaf (Layne's folks) got there and we all spent the night eating, making smores, sitting around the fire, fishing and playing Mexican Trains. Sunday was spent relaxing on the porch, in the hammock and taking short, leisurely paddles around the lake in the canoe. The loons were active, and their haunting sound made the experience all the more gooder (haha...that sounds cool for being so wrong).

I have included some pictures for you...It sure is pretty up here...come see me and find out!!!!

Does a bear **** in the woods?
Joshua "yes he does" Fuller

My folks came into town this weekend for Memorial Day! We took them out to Lake Michigan near Holland and walked out on the pier by the lighthouse. Today we are going north to Traverse City to stay the weekend in a cabin in the woods....Have a great weekend!