Joe Pesci was right

H-E-L-L-U-V-A day.. lemme just tell ya'.

You know those days when you wake up feeling rested, totally relaxed, and you know that this feeling is going to come back to haunt you sometime during the course of your day's schedule? Well, that is Stardate 03.30 for this Space Captain.

It all started well enough. Drove up north to Fremont to work at our satelite branch up there. It was a good time. My sales today were at 66%, so that helpes my monthly average out a ton. I was moving throught the day by reading up on branch stats and numbers to get an idea of what kind of crazy business I have gotten into. I called sveral customers trying to cllect money, ro jst seeing how their rental was progressing. I left important letters out of words to make things confusing., and rearrangde some others. Towards the end of the day I started seeing how busy we will be tomorrow and that promises and faith in my products will be tested with so many vehicles reserved. Then I got in my 5-in-the-floor and began the drive home.

Cell phones. Joe Pesci had it right when in Lethal Weapon 3 he ranted on and on about how "they screw you with the cell phones!" They do. He was right. Short and grumpy, but correct none the less. My phone kinda sucks. I get poor reception in my apartment and often have to call from outside to get a signal. I can't get a signal in my Fremont office. Heck, the thing hang sup on people all the time, mid-sentence and freezes up like a computer. So I was driving home from work, trying to hurry so I coul dmeet the internet guys who were coming to get me back online at my house...and I was talking to Layne, when the thing cut out and I had enough. I yelled obscenities at it (since that usually works, getting the phone to give up its wallet and cry about how it is underappreciated) and then, rather forcefully, slammed it against the steering wheel. Whoopsie...

I took it to Cingular when I got into town, told them it was a crappy phone and that it frustrated me so much I slmmed it down and made the exterior screen turn blue and yellow. "We have had nothing but praise for the Motorolas," he says to me. "Not now," I thought in my head (I am not a retorter or a smart-alec...I would get slapped for that.) He got me a number that I called and they guy says "I can send you a new phone of the same model as long as yours is fixable. Long story short, if mine is damaged (the screen) then I have to pay $75 to get a new one. So then I ask myself, do I just get a new phone and pay a little more? Or pay $75 and get another crappy phone? If it is reviwed as undamaged, I don't pay a thing...but I fear my impatience and bad temper got the best of me here and I may be a little out of pocket. Great...

SO I came home, got the internet fixed, and made some chicken nuggets - which cleared everyhting right up. Ahhh.... So to all my friends (especially my favorite who is far away right now), I lov eyou and God bless...

joshua "call me on my broken cell" fuller

PS: Did you know David Duchovny has a blog? YEAH! The guy from X-Files and that minnie Driver movie about the heart transplant. Although he is worshipped more than I, he is far less interesting. I don't see him touching his own poo just to save face...check it out. http://lionsgatedirectors.com/duchovny/index_flash.html

This is Sister. She was good to me. Nothing beats a ride in the warm spring sunshine in the northern Michigan woods...except a ride in Colorado. No offense, fellow Michiganders.

Moose is my buddy. It was a very relaxing Easter. We watched basketball and enjoyed some riding, too. The weather up here was perfect - 50 and sunny! Wish you all could be here, too. Love you...

I got my artistic talent from my brother.

The Duck and the Hawk

I heard a great story today from an associate of my mom's. Read on, then scroll down to see the illustration of it. OH! And TJ, does this story sound like an experience we remember with Brooke's dog?

For the rest of you, here is the best story I have heard in awhile...and by the best, I mean that in a "did you hear Santa died?" sort of way. Enjoy....and I quote...

"I got to work early this morning, trying to get things done before a 10:00 am meeting that would last most of the morning.
Right at 10:00 I was leaving my office and my cell phone rang and I saw that it was my son who is home alone for part of today because of his school spring break. I answered my phone and my son was hysterical.

A couple of weeks ago Morgan had an idea that it would be a cute idea to have a duck in the fish pond during the garden show in April. We said ok and went and got "2" ducks, because 1 duck would have been lonely. The second day that we had them, I stepped on one and we had a little duck funeral. We then had to go get a replacement duck.

This morning we let the 2 ducks out of the pen and they were happily paddling in the pond when Mary and I went to work and Morgan went back to sleep.

When he called me he was sobbing that there was a huge Hawk in the back yard "EATING" the ducks and it would not leave the back yard. I quickly left the office and hurried home. When I got there Morgan was still sobbing and he showed me the carnage.
When the Hawk would not leave and kept eating his duck, he hit it with a chair. That pretty much immobilized the bird and then he proceeded to shoot it with his BB/Pellet gun. I had to finish him off.

After calming him down some, I asked Morgan if the Hawk got both ducks and he said that he must have because he could not find either of them. We started looking around the back yard and I could hear a familiar chirp and as we rounded a corner of the house a little ball of fur came shooting out of the bushes running/waddling to us as fast as he could come. He was really glad to see us."

Just in case you forgot what we looked like, here is a gentle reminder. Soothing, yes?

The Madness of March

And that is is - mad, like crazy! It has been awhile since I have blogged, although I have no reasons why. I suppose the novelty of journaling got a much needed vacation for a week. The craziness continues, however, on many fronts - one of which is the road to the final four and my OSU Cowboys are kicking butt and taking names!

I haven't had too many good car rental stories, although I suppose I did fail to mention the drug dealer who got busted in a car of ours after he stole it from his girlfriend and stashed his 2 1-gallon bags of weed in the backseat. We cleaned it up really well, but it was a chore. Did I fail to tell you about that one? - well just comes with the teritory I suppose. Oh, if these cars could talk...

So I was at our satellite location north of town in Fremont, MI, last week for 2 days. It is at a Chevy dealership and I have a cubicle near the front for conducting my business. Just me. Solo mio. I am the only Enteprise guy there. On Friday this guy comes in the dealership, looking lost, and walks to my humble abode. Then he points at me.

So I pointed at me too. I didn't want him feeling alone or strange. I point at me all the time. I won't offend me. And with a smirk I asked, "me?"

"Are you a born again Christian?" he asks. Like a well tuned tennis player I retort, "yes I am." He fires again, this time with "do you go to church regularly?" I take aim - "yup." And then he brought out the big guns: "do you tithe consistently, your ten percent?" He had me on that one. I sat up straight in my chair, raised my head and replied, "nope." (For further discourse on this subject, ask me personally. And yes, it does involve a soapbox with the phrases "for building a gym," "old testament law" and the word "goat.")

So the man, who is wearing several coats and baggy navy blue sweatpants with the inseam slightly elevated above the knee, says to me, "well I want to buy a car from a christian who gives the money he makes off me back to the Lord." I told him that I wasn't a car salesman, but that I had great weekend specials on rentals. "Here, take my card." "I don't want that!" he chirped back, hastily. I rose to my feet. The battle line had been drawn.

He preoceeded to lecture me on how he was not going to buy a car from someone who spent his loot on sinful things, like bars and women. But that he would find a salesman who would give his ten perecent back to the Lord. I said a few "amens" in there while he spoke, one or two "I hear that brother"s, and even a "yes, I am that baby's daddy" (kidding...Layne, Mom... that was a joke. :) ) I sent him on his way with a good luck and a pat on the back.

There are religious people in the world. Then there are heathens. In the middle you have people like you and I - and then a variation of sanity differentiates us. Mr. Tenpercent was a couple tacos short of a combo platter, but he sure looked warm in his 4 jackets.

One for the homies,
joshua h.

And then it was Monday

We get so excited for the weekend. Wednesday there is a rumor floating around that the "weekend is comeing up." Thursday we say "it feels like Friday...man!" And then on Friday when each is asked "abig plans for the weekend," he answers - "no, not really" or "nothin', lest the wife has something for me to do." (We will get back to that in a second.)

Well to tell you the truth, I love the weekend, but look forward to the week because there is so much to do. The days fly by at work - as I like them to. Layne and I cherish our nights and, even though I thought it may be different, we don't talk about work too much after we ech get home. I took work home with me this weekend. First, I let a mes up on Fridya get me down and I find it helpful to try and bring loved ones down with me. It doesn't work, usually just makes me mope. I am a moper, after all. And then working Saturday morning just held that feeling over.

But Sunday was FABULOUS! Church this morning, then we made fajitas for lunch and watched the OSU Cowboys dribble their way to a Big XII TITLE!!! YESSSS! They play Friday night in OKC in the first round of the NCAA tourney - I have them dancin' well, but not all the way. MAybe they will surprise me and the Illini....
Tonight me played Monopoly and Layne crushed me AGAIN! Both times we played, she hit Free-parking multiple times and also rolled onto Park Place and Boardwalk and built houses before I could get back to go and collect the rent to pay her! But so fun anyway... :)

Bettr hit the hay...another fast paced work week awaits. It was good to talk to friend this weekend, and I hope you all continue to do well. Blessings.

I am a walrus,
joshua h fuller

Seasonal Fans and the Death of Country Music

I have you interested, don't I??

Well today I went to Meijer (like WalMart, but WAY better) to buy some milk, a chef's knife and a fan to alleviate the stuffiness of my partment. (I don't have ceiling fans.) I searched all around the home section, furniutre, lighting..heck I had exhausted all the possibile locations that the fans could possibly be. Then I asked a yougn girl who looked like she had never heard that question before..."Not celing fans," I said, "stand up type fans thatyou plug in." Silence. She looked over at the guy stockig the clearance rack (whom I thought maybe had a crush on her and they were secretly have a Meijer love affair) and asked him if he knew about fans. He shot the same, "are you kidding?" look back at her that she had given to me. "Those are seasonal - I haven't seen them out yet. Maybe closer to spring."

Two things:
a) it IS spring...spring break, spring fever, spring solstice, "spring forward"...just because it is freezing here doesn't mean it is not that time of year
b) who doesn't keep fans in stock? In Oklahoma I could find fans in Wally world year round, regardless of the climate.

So I am here in my apartment, realizing that the snow that is again accumulating outside may be peering in through my mini-blinds saying, "hee hee hee - heeere I aaammm". If these flakes could talk...

In other news, and more sobering, Chris LeDoux, the rodeo king and country music legend, died yesterday in Capser, WY. He dipped too much. Serioulsy. He had cancer in his bile duct, caused by tobacco going into his stomach. He sang songs like, "Copenhangen,".... and lots of others that mention the bad habit of dipping. But really, who hasn't? I have - but I preferred to chew when I was in college. Not that I did it alot, just on long raod trips with close friends Excuse me. :)

Pizza is on the way. Stuffed crust. Layne is on her way back too. I got off right at 6 today - tomorrow I am marketing to our corporate partners. OH! Here she is now! Better run - watching Ray tonight..it won lots of awards, so I will let you know what I think.

God Bless Chris Ledoux,
josh

PS: all of my fish are pooping simultaneaously! you should see it!

That's why I hate Monopoly

Layne & I love games. We play Rummikub, Sequence, crads...and tonight, Monopoly. That's right everyone's favorite corporate-intenso money game where investing in real estate and running out all the ompetition is fun and exciting! Well, I am not sure if Milton or Bradley played the game before they endorsed it...

But I hate it. Okay, the truth is - I love it. But it is such a personal game for me. See, growing up we played all the time and it was so intense - and I always lost. I guess somewhere deep in my sub-clavian psyche I figured I would grow out of the losing stage and become a master. So tonight Layne says, Yeah! let's play it ... but you will have to teach me the real rules."

And then, with a swift motion, she kicked my a**. I was so mad. Well, not a her - but at the losing. I remember when my buds and I played it in Jackson Hole for spring break in college - Court and Rusty almost fought over it. We all got so upset about the game. I think it's because every move you make is a gamble. And hwen you play it safe, the odds get you every time. I have nothing else to say.

Go buy connect four,
j holland

Under the Weather

It is official - Michigan is permanently under the weather. And I don't mean the flu or the common cold...I mean literally, the weather patterns that are cold, snowy and otherwise dreary have a time-share leased right abouve the 41 and 50 longitudinal parallels. That means they hang out here in the winter, and then migrate north for the summer to hang out with Rudolf. At any rate, the parallels i mentioned have no actual geographical or topograchical or rhinographical significancce. I made them up to sound smart. In fact, rhinographical isn't a word either!

... (<---there it is again) Think I have a cold or the flu, since we are on the subject. Tired, sore, chilled...we will see int he moring. So everyone, hurry up and feel sorry for me and have pity. Aaawwwww... Better yet, send soup and juice. Or buy my DVDs. Wait, I can't have mom call in to work and tell Neal that I am sick today. Although... There was a HUGE wreck today in GR. 85 cars made contact in a pile up on 131 north of the city., which doesn't include the cars who swerved off the road and didn't hit another vehicle. 1 man died, 2-4 are in critical condition, and 29 were transported to hospitals. I even heard that the airports mass casualty crew was sent out to be posted, and they had all kinds of chaplains on scene. Tell you what happened...people going too fast, there were white out conditions due to snow, and slick roads. An equation that equals disaster. Pray for them and thier families. We are ok. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
josh

Here it is - the real thing. I blocked out my info so some people wouldn't find it and stalk me. But it's true, I am a professional...hi ya!

Mark of One Hundred Paces

That is about the distance (with a 7 foot stride) that it would take to get from my apartment building to Layne's. Nice, huh? (A canadian I met recently says Americans say "huh" too much - but compares it to Canadains' "eh." Canada is wrong about most things, so we will leave it a that, huh?) That's right, one hundred paces from solitude to loving togetherness. One hundred paces from the confines of a modern one-man cave to the palace of tranquility.

Just got off the phone with a college friend - Chitty. What a guy. He is getting hitched in May and is really pumped about it. I like him - more than that I respect him. After all, he did throw a glas of water on Mat Turner when the "heat" got turned up in February of '01. My FH buddies smell what I'm steppin' in.

The word of the day is "bracket." Why? Because that is the word that comes to mind first when I think of shelving. Shelving solves lots of problems - it organizes, stacks, neatens and can, in some cases, be folded. You know what else is folded? Bread - well, actually it is kneaded. And the word "knead" sounds like "neat.' And that is what I think Chitty is - neat. That is why bracket is the word of the day.

Adieu.

Solving the problems of modern man,
dr. j. holland fullster

The Difference

Men and women are different. There - I have said it. I know that scientists the world over may crucify me for making such a bold statement, which contradicts every known theory or model of human nature, but I believe it to be true. In fact, I may even go so far as to say that males are very different from females. Heck, the opposite is true in itself - women are very different from men.

I know that this may be a new concept to most of you, but just let it sink in. All basic phsyical differences aside, there are other differences too. I was prepared to list them, but couldn't think of a single one - mainly because all of the numerous ones are running together in my mind now and would come out like this:

1. Moodinesspridetemperemotionalvulnerabiltyindependenceiheartmoose

...only longer.

The goal of any man in a serious relationship should not be finding a way to get more for himself, but instead to give of himself. You see, men can be jealous. Take me for example (you see, I am giving of myself)...like a child, I sometimes get moody if I am not paid enough attention. Standard poodles behave in the same way. It is hard for me to believe that I am not always the center of my love's world. When all things are well I see us holding hands, dancing through the daffodils and singing "tra-la-la-ti-day". When things are well but different than usual, I see her hating me and spontaneously deciding I must have been the biggest mistake of her life. All the while, the real truth is that her plate is full of lots of things and that she, as a woman of God, was made a far more emotional being than I.

I am independant - even to a fault. She is tender and strong all in the same woman. And beautiful for it. So while we men feel like we are the leaders and in charge, sometimes it is best if we walk behind her so that when she slips, we can catch her.

He who humbles himself will be exalted. God made a magnificent thing when he made the woman. Her tenderness is unmatched. Often times I feel like she will lose interest, but, at the risk of being completely honest - I am blessed, overwhelmed, and relieved when she keeps wrapping her arms around me, making the choice to invest in someone as strange as I am.

I love you,
me

I miss these guys. My best friends.

PS: This is for the good times

I can see how being up here all winter, when you can't be outside because it is so cold and cloudy can make a person get cabin feever or depressed. I am ready to be able to get home from work and have it be light outside and 80 degrees. The inability to enjoy the outdoors is hard on me - I am an active person and staying inside all night is sometimes tough. Tonight it was a little bit that way.

There is a guy at work named Dan who I just met today. He hasn't been in in awhile. A funny kind of guy, quirky and a love for talking with people. Just a good ol' boy. I bet in a past life he was from Oklahoma. :) Anyway, he was telling me that people think he is not too smart, but that he has a motto, from the movie Song of the South (which is no longer availabel because of political correctness issues). He says this:

"Briar bear and briar fox - they think I'm dumb.

But they don't know me -

they don't know I grew up in the briar patch."

Einstein has met his match.

Pray that God doesn't let me lose strength to be a light in the darkness that is up here.

"If you still can hear me singin'

to the people who don't listen

to the things that I am sayin'

prayin' someones gonna hear?

I guess I'll die explainin' how

the things that they complain about

are things they could be changin'

hopin' someones gonna care?

I was born a loneley singer

and I'm bound to die the same

but I've got to feed the hunger in my soul.

If I never have a nickel

I will never die ashamed

Cause I won't believe that no one wants to know."

I ain't sayin I beat the devil, but I drank his beer for nothin' - then I stole his song.

joshua holland

Ten Condemned Commandments

So there is this huge issue now about whether a TX public building shoudl have the 10 Commandments posted on their front grounds. Advocates say it is an "important piece of history" and that the 10 Commandments "played abig part in the creation of our government." Opponents say it is against separation of church and state. I have some things to say about this...

1. Separation of church and State was designed to keep the US from having a national church, like the church of England, so that people don't have to go to a certain church because others aren't allowed. GET YOUR DEFINITION RIGHT! There is NO national church. Mission accomplished. So if anyone has the desire to side with these folks, please edumacate yourself before doing so. Separation of church and state is a CRAPPY defense, here, and the US Supreme Court should only hear it if there is sound reason - this isn't it. Dumb people use this phrase to sound smart - but it is just watering down the importance of this phrase, much like words such as "love," "hate," and "pottery."

2. The advocates may be cross-pollenating the issue. Yes, the 10 Commandements and the Bible played ahuge role in the creation of the United States of America. But are they sure that is their reason to argue? Or do they think that evangelising to the whole world should be done at the pulpit of a government building? More than likely it is a little of both. Again, edumacation is the key.

3. I know edumacation is not the word. It is education - but "eduma" is cooler to type. And funnier.

4. Marijuana should not be legalized.

Hope this helps you. Probably not, but at least the 4 people who read this journal will know I think about stuff.

Thou shalt not,
joshua h.

Anonymous sure is secretive

People comment here on my posts. That's cool...but could you post your name? Because really, I have no clue who you are - and would like to, especially if I know you already. For example:

Who is JBR?

A Short Dissertation on Global Affairs

Wow...what a day. (Do you ever notice that I write like I think...lots of these three dot things...like that...and that, too. I think I like it because it is more like a conversation...well, a one sided one. Actually, the definition of [...] is to electronically insert the verb of thinking or considering.) Where was I? Oh yes.

Wow...what a day. I worked 14 1/2 hours - from 7:15 until 9:45. Lots of cars to be delivered, but business is good. ( How do you spell business? Buisness? Or business? I think business because you stay "busy" at work, so it is like "busy"ness... (<--there it was again). There is a spell check but then I would have to move the mouse. "Lazy"ness.)

No exciting stories today. Just listened to people on NPR talking abotu how their sons didn't know what they were getting into by joining the natioanl guard in VA or the resevrs. I am sorry, but doesn't Army National Guard, or Air Force Reserves have a certain ring to the title? Maybe that's just me. I am sure it is hard on mothers of wartime soldier sons. But the fact is, I signed up with Enterprise knowing I would work long hours and not earn 50K a year. Soldiers sign up knowing they will have to fight when duty calls, and they won't earn 50K a year either. I must be a suburbian soldier...that's what I am.

And the people who say "NO WAR" and say that we are killing innocents...like I heard a lady on TV tonight saying "we are so ready to use a gun to solve out problems instead of sitting down and talking out our problems."

OK Susie Q. Public, you sit down with John P. Crazyextremist and rationalize why he/she shouldn't blow you up because you worship different that he/she does. Good luck. Don't these left sided anti-war types understand that in a utopia there would be no war and everyone could have tea and arrange their problems in a neat pattern for some grandma to cross-stich about..but that this is NOT a UTOPIA and there are people among us, both domestic and abroad, that are not rational? Whom talking doesn't work with? Heck, I knew some in college who were in my fraternity.

The point is, use your freedom to yank yank about NO WAR..but then, please, before the grace of Almighty God, thank the soldiers and their wars for the freedom that allows you to express that view. Ever heard this before,

"Those who do not remember thier past are condemned to repeat it."

I believe that was quoted at Adolf Hitler prior to his second try in WWII. He lost. But freedom gained by that war changed the world.

No more politics for a week, just Fruity Pebbles,
joshua holland fuller, President

... ... ... ... ... [<--ARGHHHHHHHHH!!]

The Colorado Kid

That is my name in our area at Enterprise. Today my area manager posted the top sellers for Monday - guess who was NUMBER 1? ME!! That's right...And tonight we had a long business meeting, and some guy was given an award for top sales for February with and 88. Guess who was in his tail with an 87? ME! And I was only there for 2 weeks in February! So needless to say things at ERAC are going well. Went out afterwards with my associates - then finally got home. Time to chill for an hour.

Met with my mentor today. I haven't ever met him before - so he took me out to lunch to get to know each other. During our meal he brought up religion & politics - both issues that I wouldn't have chosen for our first meeting. He is from Canada and pretty different from me. It was a good time, but I wonder how much we will get along. Just because he is assigned to me doesn't mean I need to utilize him all the time. We will just see, I guess...

Amazing Race is on. Better go see who the new people are this time.

Here's lookin' at you, kid,
joshua holland